


All Alone

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Series: You Know I'm A Dreamer [3]
Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:27:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27707615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Emma is reminded of her own past when Nikki needs her most.
Relationships: Tommy Lee (Mötley Crüe)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: You Know I'm A Dreamer [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004484
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	All Alone

After days of being on high-alert, Tommy was still on edge, waiting for the slightest noise before he jumped up and stormed into the living room, entirely willing to do what it took to protect two of the people in the world that he loved without any limits. 

But, as the wood creaked noisily from the living room, Tommy felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up in warning. He lifted himself up on one of his elbows, narrowing his eyes at the door, which was half-open. There was a faint light, trickling in and breaking the darkness of the room. "Em?" Tommy whispered, slipping out of bed, careful not to make a single noise beyond that, not wanting to alert anybody to him being awake. 

Emma appeared from the bathroom, pressing her finger against her lips, signaling for Tommy to be quiet. "It's okay. That was me - I was just wandering around. I couldn't sleep." She bent down and kissed Tommy, entangling her fingers in his thick hair. Pulling away, Emma seemed almost amused as she looked at him. 

"What's wrong?" Tommy asked, suddenly concerned. He caught Emma by the arm, but made sure to keep his grip gentle - the last thing that he needed was to panic her. 

For a moment, Emma looked as if she was deeply debating her answer. "I had a nightmare. But I'm fine, now. Don't worry about me." She smiled. 

Tommy wasn't reassured in the slightest. "A nightmare about Ben?" He asked, perhaps a little too bluntly. He winced apologetically, kissing Emma's cheek in apology for his brash words. 

"Yeah." Emma said. "But it's not too serious." She took his hand, squeezed it. "I don't want you to beat around the bush, I would prefer you to say it outright, anyways." She let go and then straightened back up, shaking her head until her hair was out of her eyes. 

"Okay." Tommy said. "Um - I heard something in the living room." 

Emma nodded. "Nikki." She lowered her voice into a whisper. "He doesn't want to worry you. But I've been keeping an eye from him, and I wanted to talk to him about everything that happened." 

"Are you sure?" Tommy asked, more awake now than ever. "I don't want you to be taken to a bad place, babe." He was concerned - immensely so. Back when they'd first gotten together, Emma had been in a place of deep depression, one that she'd, very slowly, been weaned out of. Her nightly nightmares were now only an occasional concern, but she still had them, and Tommy didn't want his girlfriend's progress to be jeopardized. "I can talk to him, if you want." He offered. 

"You're sweet, Tom. But I don't think that would work. He needs someone that understands, and can relate to him. That's the best way to get through to him, anyways." Emma said. "I'm just gonna go talk to him, see what's going on. He hasn't been sleeping." 

"He hasn't been eating." Tommy added. 

Emma nodded. "I won't be long, I promise." She smiled, and Tommy forced himself to calm down - he couldn't tell her what to do. He never could, and that's one of those things that he both loved and loathed about her. 

"Okay. Be careful." Tommy said, but as he watched Emma walk away, he leaned against the headboard and grabbed his phone, knowing that he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, not for awhile, anyways. Not until there was a warm body beside his own. 

As Emma walked into the living room, she could practically _feel_ the fear, and she could connect it to her own. Nikki had practically become an agoraphobe in the recent weeks, and could barely so much as open a window because he was convinced that Blackie would be able to get inside. 

In a way, Emma understood, but at the same time, she had gotten angry and lashed out at people, instead of turning inwards and becoming a recluse. 

Although, at that point in time, Emma had been knee-deep in cocaine. She knew that Nikki had gotten clean, and that he was a vastly different person when he was sober versus addled with drugs. She'd never liked Blackie - he had reminded her too much of Ben - but Emma had never spoke about it. 

Nikki was looking out the window, a pensive look on his face. His dark hair was dirty and unwashed, hands shaking as he lit a cigarette. 

"I told you - m'fine." Nikki mumbled. 

Despite the situation at hand, Emma found a twisted sort of humor at that response. "You have hell of a way of showing it." She said, sitting down at the tiny dining table. "There's no reason to lie, hon. You don't have to be fine all the time."

Although, in a way, Emma understood. Tommy was already stressed enough without the knowledge that Nikki was practically falling apart at the seams, though there wasn't much done in the way of hiding how utterly terrible Nikki was at adjusting to life in the wake of what had happened. 

"I'm not going to waste my breathe in telling you that Blackie can't get to you, because he isn't going to be in jail forever." Emma continued. "After all, even when he does get sentenced, he won't get life. Just a few years, plus probation." The words were blunt, but Emma couldn't lie, especially when she still harbored her scars over the last altercation with Ben. " _But,_ isn't Blackie winning, if you do this to yourself?" 

Nikki didn't reply. 

"You can't hide, hon. You can't spend the rest of your life, hiding in the shadows because Blackie can't find you there." Emma continued. "You can't give him the satisfaction of letting you fall apart." 

Silence. 

Emma sighed. "You need awhile to accept what happened, and that's okay, and there's nobody that can take it away from you." She said. "However, this isn't like you, and you can't - Blackie can't take your life like that. He can't take away what made you, _you."_

"He said that he'd kill me." Nikki said quietly. 

The words were familiar, and they rang out in Emma's head, a broken record from a bottomless abyss. ' _I'll kill you, you bitch!'_ Ben had shouted. But Emma shook her head, as if forbidding them from sounding again. "Time heals, but it doesn't work for all wounds." Emma mumbled, and then she forced herself to get back on track. "That's the same thing my ex said to me." Emma said. 

"But he never came. And do you wanna know why?" Emma asked, tilting her head.

Nikki just shrugged. 

"Because he's too much of a coward." Emma said. "He was strong when I was at my weakest, but, truthfully, he's nothing more than a little bird masquerading as a hawk. You can't let him control you." 

A part of Emma wondered if Tommy was listening in - she rolled her eyes at the thought. 

"That's Ben." Nikki said. "Blackie ain't like that. He - he'll come after me." He said it with complete and total conviction, like he truly believed it, and Emma had no doubt of that. She couldn't blame him, either. 

"Then you do what it takes to protect yourself." Emma leaned foward. "You're stronger than you know, Nikki." 

A sharp, bitter laugh slipped from Nikki's lips, and it sounded scared. "God, you're really trying, aren't you?" He rubbed his face with his free hand. "I couldn't protect myself that night, Emma. I couldn't fight him. He was too big, too strong - like a wall. I got him once, and then he just - " Nikki, at a loss for words, motioned to his bruised face. 

Emma bit her bottom lip. "But you saved yourself." She pointed out. 

"Because he didn't expect it." Nikki looked down, shivering slightly. 

"And that's your strength." Emma said softly. "You strike when they least expect it, like a snake, and if that's what you have to do to save your life, then that's what you have to do, and that's enough, Nikki. Nobody has the right to judge you for that." 

Nikki crossed his arms. "I was weak." He mumbled. "He was just pounding on me, and nothing I did could stop him." Nikki didn't seem to be hearing what Emma was saying, intent only on the memories of what had happened, about how he hadn't been able to defend himself. 

"But that's not your fault." Emma said firmly. "Its _not_ your fault." 

A moment passed, and then two. Nikki turned around suddenly, arms still crossed. "I'm not going to talk about this anymore." He said, sitting back down on the couch, but he didn't lay down, still smoking with a faintly haunted look in his green eyes. 

"Why not?" Emma asked patiently. 

"Because I hate being weak!" Nikki grit his teeth tightly. "Because Blackie knows that I'm weak! Because he could come back at any fucking time and finish the job! He could kill you and Tom and me and not even bat an eye." 

Emma knew the feeling, but she stood, and she walked over to the couch, brushing aside blankets in favor of sitting down and resting her hand on Nikki's shoulder, feeling him tense beneath her gentle touch. "He won't." Emma said. "I won't let him. Tommy won't let him. And you can't let him." 

Nikki shut his eyes. "How?" He whispered. 

"You can't let him see your fear." Emma replied, squeezing Nikki's shoulder. 

The sun rose beyond the horizon, and yet, none of them slept. 


End file.
